oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
