SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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