So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
