please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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