I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize