if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
