I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
