I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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