He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
