i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
