He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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