No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
