just tell him i said nine months
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
