Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
