Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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