***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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