I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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