I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
