i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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