I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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