Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
