You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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