people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
