I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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