Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
