How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
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And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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