The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
