life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
