i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
