I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
