never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
