Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
