sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
