Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
