found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
