I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
