there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
