Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
