Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
