3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
