Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
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there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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