I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
