I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
