last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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