there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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