Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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