why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
