you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
