Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I faked an abortion last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
