In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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