I skipped work to stalk him.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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