No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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