hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
