You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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