No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
