he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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