The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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