I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
