it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
