I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
