I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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