I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
