He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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