so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
