remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
