I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
