he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
