Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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