Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
