I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
