Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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