woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
