If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
