I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
