Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
