Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
