dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
