you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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