Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
