Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
