I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
