I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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